THE MAN!

The man is a very interesting species; very simple in design. The man is amazing. I love a man so much it is scary. I just hope that when I believe he is a man then indeed he is a man. American R and B artist Babyface has a song in which he says, ‘bring back those simple times of yesterday, when a man was a man and a friend was a friend’.

Oh how I wish I were born in an era when you were sure that indeed a man was a man. Bagaetsho, I am not discriminating against those who either by choice or nature tend towards those of their own sex for various reasons. I do not understand homosexuality as much as I would like to and I do not mind it either. But I am well aware of my sexuality and I prefer a man as a man!

With that said, I do believe that there is a very big problem and men will have to work hard to solve this one for me. You see, in today’s world of the economically emancipated woman and the ever so feminine and metrosexual man, it is very hard for a woman to tell exactly whether a man really is a man, well at least in the sexual orientation way. A man today is very diverse. Some wear pink shirts, others wear blue shirts, some do their nails and others hammer in nails, some wax their legs others wax their cars, some treat their ladies like queens and others are drag queens. What I am saying is that a man today could be something else so, now more than ever in the history of mankind, it is crucial that a man who is indeed a man makes that definition very, very clear. You can do it, because there are those who do it, ke gore hela ga ba re lekane.

So, in a time where a woman wears the pants while some men want to wear the panty, it is advisable for the old school man out there to remain a man. Strong independent women need a strong independent man who is sure about his story. She needs broad tough shoulders to lean on. We need a guy who does not share our earrings, who uses cosmetics meant for men, and even when he does he stops at the lotion and avoids the tinted powder. Please be a man, be THE MAN! Please. Or else, the human race will die out as I am definitely not having sex with an ‘almost’ man, because I know I will only have an almost orgasm and we all know that almost does not count!

FAITHFUL CRISIS

They say a person is more likely to cheat when they are happiest. I suppose this is because they release whatever hormones make them happy and then get so high that their faculties evade them. This has to be true. Admit it, you have experienced it. You showed your most stupid behavior when you were very happy. That is why Motswana a re monate o hela ka bothoko.

Now, thanks to the economic crisis, very few people are happy. We walk around with our problems firmly planted on our faces and everyone around us understands. I tell you even prostitutes are having a hard time in their very noble profession. Who has the energy for a session of costly sex? We are too hungry, broke, depressed and most importantly we are extremely rational in our thinking when we are facing a crisis. I mean we have to be in that mode to do complicated budgets, make ends meet, evade the tax man and others. This means that a lot of people are very faithful at this point in time. It is enough that we are trying to sort out our own family problems to be concerned about small houses and looking over our shoulders.

Now, a problem bigger than the financial crisis has been predicted by global economists. They claim that the financial crisis will soon be getting better. This is a problem because when we start getting happier because our budgets are getting bigger, we also start getting more and more irrational and therefore stupid and so we are more likely to cheat. That is a fact. So, enjoy the man or woman who is sulking next to you, they are very faithful. Akere a bolaya a tshega! Very soon they will be all smiles and ready to break your heart.

The question is are you ready with a plan on how you are going to execute your cheating? Is your plan airtight? Get ready to get happy and unfaithful! Do not act all righteous about it, you know it is the truth, if you think otherwise, well, get ready anyway!

NTSHWARE KA DITSEBE!

When a Motswana says ntshware ka ditsebe, it means kiss me. Now, I did not see the relation of kissing to  ears until I grabbed someone by the ears to make it easier to kiss them recently. I then realized that ears are some sort of natural handles for kissing, they hold the head steady. Okay, maybe I am extreme but it works for me.

With that said, I took a much closer look at these hearing organs. Partly because it is a very personal issue as I have small ears, but hey let us do it anyway. I believe those with big ears are good listeners judging by the fact that I am a terrible listener and that my big eared friends are better listeners. Being a good listener, particularly if you are a man, is a great asset because you will be able to win the love of your woman as women love being listened to. We feel understood and important. For some weird reason, big eared men seem to be better at sex than small eared men. This might be because women relax and feel secure around big eared men as they listen well to women and therefore are more likely to get sex more often from the women. Kana jang bagaetsho?

The other reason could be that big eared men listen so well to women that they hear everything that a woman says she wants in bed because as hard as it is to understand us, we do give men tips on what we want. So listen well guys. Or maybe big eared men are just as well endowed down there too as they are with their ears.

There is also the man with very small ears. These men tend to avoid listening to others. It is all about them. This might be because they do not hear well and so decide to keep talking being unaware that someone else was talking. O ta a bo didimalela eng go sena yo o buang? So, because ba ditsebe tse di nnye ba tsena ba basadi ganong, mosadi o ta a bo a ngala a bo a re o a mmakisa. If you do not listen to a woman she will feel unimportant and insecure and will not by any means be in the mood to have sex with the talkative man. If she does have sex with him, it will be boring to her. So, in effect, it could be that the man is good in bed but that the woman is too bored or angry to notice and so she will say he is terrible.

The other reason could be that he talks so much that he does not hear what she says she wants in bed and so is less likely to get sex to show his skill. So, men with small ears should take out enough time to listen to women. Or, it could be that he is trying to make up for his small member by over talking and in a desperate attempt to make her know all the great stuff about him knowing that he is not great in bed. That is my story and I am sticking to it like borokhu mo mosung!

The question now is, what size ears do you have and what does it say about you in bed?

THE TASTE

It is a beautiful Saturday morning and he decides to go shopping. He drives around town looking for a couple of items to add to his closet. Where he ends up buying says a lot about his woman. Yes, where your man buys his stuff says a lot about you ladies, this is my story and I am sticking to it. Ebile ga ke boele morago!

A man can buy from a luxury store, a regular store or the flea market and this as we all know defines his taste. I am not talking about those men who try to impress by taking out loans to buy clothes, I mean men who spend their hard earned cash on the clothes they buy.

I believe that the man who buys from a luxury store wants quality and is willing to part ways with his money in order to get what he wants. Also, since quality merchandise lasts quite a long time, this man is in effect committing to whatever he is buying as it will be with him for quite a long time. So, long in fact that the only way to get rid of the clothes might be to give them away and even when this happens, this man will be sure to pass the clothes on to someone who would care very well for them.

The man who buys from a regular chain store is very economical and does not want to spend too much money on things like clothing. There are other things he would rather spend his money on but he is still a bit conscious of quality. He believes that if he buys from a place where most people buy, then he is safe because a lot of people cannot be wrong. Clothes from regular chain stores are not the worst but they are also not the best. Yes, they will last a reasonable period but they will die out sooner than later and most people are aware of this when they buy from them. The commitment here is interesting because it is only worthwhile while the clothes are still new and after that they are thrown out or used to wash the car kana di a foreifa!

Then there is the man who will buy straight from the flea market without any hesitation. You see, a flea market is exactly that. In the old days, people would gather together to sell off their old stuff, ke gore makgarakgatshana. And as we all know, old things tend to have fleas in them, tse di lomang bothoko. So, a man who buys from the flea market has no regard for quality and simply wants something to cover his body. The stuff is extremely cheap, has been used a lot by other before and will not last long at all but the man does not care. So, he is not expecting quality or commitment from the clothes at all.

With that said; I believe then that a man who buys luxury clothes chooses carefully where he spends his time and energy. He is looking for a woman who has good quality traits and who is likely to last long in the relationship meaning that she will not bore or irritate him to death. She will therefore be with him for a long time and the man does not mind trading his time for the woman. He wants commitment from her and vice versa. So, if your man likes luxury stuff, then you are a great woman.

The man who buys from the regular chain stores is looking for a woman who is also regular and does not stand out from other women. He feels safe in choosing women who are similar to his friends’ women as it would mean they have tested the waters for him. He is most likely to date a friend of his best mate’s woman. He will be committed for as long as she is still new and after that he gets rid of her kana o foreifa ka ene, meaning he will use her for silly times like at 4am. If this type of men chooses you then you are just regular.

The flea market man is looking for any woman who will not be expensive to maintain and he is not looking for commitment from her. He usually does not care what she looks like and is willing to trash her when he is done. She is likely to be a woman who does not care too much of herself or has been around with quite a lot of men before and does not care. So, if your guy is a flea market guy, then you definitely have fleas. A kalo a me!

And the same goes for men bagaetsho, especially that women shop the most. The question is which woman are you and which man is yours?